Bad Hair Brad or Mushroom Head
by Lilith Knight
Summary: This is a sillyfic that is more or less to help me work through my issues involving how Evolution Gambit looks. It was that or find the people responsible and beat them to a bloody pulp. See? This is constructive. :


Title: Bad Hair Brad or Mushroom Head  
  
Author: Lilith Knight  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic.  
  
Summary: This is a sillyfic that is more or less to help me work through my issues involving how Evolution Gambit looks. It was that or find the people responsible and beat them to a bloody pulp. See? This is constructive. :)  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: "Day of Reckoning"  
  
Feedback: It's a good thing.  
  
Comments: I was inspired to write this after seeing "Day of Reckoning," by conversation with Sovrin and my muse who has always wanted to do evil to Gambit (I think he might be jealous.) I have since discovered several, more logical, justifications in my mind about his eyes (he's wear full eye contacts to blend in) and hair (it HAS to look better out of that black thing, right?) so this is mostly to get any negative feelings I have left out of my system so I can work on my other fics in peace.  
  
Dedication: To Sovrin from whom I borrowed "Bad Hair Brad" and who stars in a little cameo near the end.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rogue slunk along the wall, turned the corner, and gasped, startled. There was a guy standing there smiling at her like he was stoned. She stared, mesmerized. 'Oh, mah Gawd! What is WITH his hair?! Ah've nevah seen worse hair in mah life! And what is that THING growin' on his chin?!'  
  
He lifted a card in front of her and she took hold of it without thinking. 'He must be on drugs. Ah mean if he actually went outta the house like that...' He leaned closer. 'You'd better get outta mah bubble befoh someone gets hur- Okay, that's sad, it looks even uglier up close... ' He hadn't released the card yet and it began to glow. He let go finally, backed away, gave her a sort of casual salute and a bow, still grinning, then turned and ran off. 'Yep, definitely drugs.'  
  
She looked down at the card in her hand. 'Ooh... Pretty... It glows... Oh, no, it's catchin!' She flung the card away from her and it exploded on impact. Boom!  
  
  
  
Gambit crept down the alley. Sinister had done some evil things in his time but this was the most vile, despicable, depraved, inhuman thing he had ever conceived of. 'I must destroy de imposter!' he thought, determination coursing through his veins. He noticed a beautiful, red-haired girl in a green and black bodysuit, wearing dark gold gloves, and looking irritated.  
  
"Excusez-moi, did y' see a homme, looks a lot like me but wit' real'y bad hair an' a goatee, run by?"  
  
"Yeah... What a freak. Ah think he was tryin' ta be cool..." She grimaced.  
  
"Merci." He pulled her into his arms, bent her backward in true romantic style and gave her the kiss of her life. He stood upright, taking her with him, gave her a charming smile and stepped away. "F'r yer trouble." And with a flapping of his duster he was once again he was hot pursuit of the man known only as "Bad Hair Brad" (though commonly mistaken for the real Gambit).  
  
  
  
Rogue blinked, dazed. 'Wow. That was... Wow.' She put a hand to her lips which still tingled and gazed in the direction where the man who kissed her had vanished... 'How did he- Oh, who cares. He was gorgeaous, had great hair, and his eyes were wicked cool...' An explosion brought her back to reality. 'Oh. Right. Battle.' She hurried off to help her fellow teammates.  
  
  
  
"Aha! Dere y' are, y' pat'etic excuse o' a lab experiment! Sinister may have given y' m' powers but y' will never have m' coolness!" Gambit thundered, after cornering the imposter in a dead end alley.  
  
Bad Hair Brad cowered. "Please! I-" he started in a reedy, unaccented voice.  
  
"Non! Y' were dis close t' ruinin' m' reputation an' I refuse t' let dat hap'en!" Bad Hair Brad whimpered in fear. "I hereby decree... dat y' will suffer de wrath o' de rabid fangirls!"  
  
"NOOOO!!!" The wail was that of a wretched creature in the depths of utter despair  
  
"There he is!" shouted a pale, black-haired girl clothed in black, standing at the head of an angry mob. "He tried to impersonate Remy!"  
  
"Get him!"  
  
"He must die for his sins!!!"  
  
"No one tries to pass himself off as Remy and gets away with it!"  
  
"Yeah!!"  
  
The mob (complete with fiery torches and pitchforks) converged on Bad Hair Brad. He was never seen again... except for the ragged pieces of flesh and bone several girls took home as trophies.  
  
  
  
The business side of things taken care of, Gambit went in search of the girl he'd kissed earlier. He was totally and utterly convinced she was his one true love. ((AN: Gee... Imagine that... I wonder why that could possibly be. *innocent look*)) He found her trapped in a hard green substance that was no match for one of his charged playing cards. The substance shattered.  
  
"Run away wit' me?"  
  
"O' course!"  
  
"Je taimè."  
  
"Ah love you too."  
  
They rode off into the sunset on a motorcycle, mutants were accepted by all, and everyone lived happily ever after...  
  
"COME BACK HERE WITH MY BIKE!!!"  
  
...Well, almost everyone.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
